is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
