Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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