So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize