Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
