i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
why is half of my head shaved?
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