I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
