remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize