you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
