The maid of honor just puked.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
