I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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