End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
