my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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