Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
