just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
