I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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