dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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