No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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