I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
