I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
