I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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