PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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