There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
