I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
