Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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