Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
