Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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