I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
