I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
