My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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