took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
