just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
