searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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