This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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