If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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