Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
