Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
