She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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