He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
