She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
