the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
