I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
