a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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