jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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