i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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