So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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