Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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