.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
