You can't motorboat a personality
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
