Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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