I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
