I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
