the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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