WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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