There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
