How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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