sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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