I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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