I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
