I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am one with the molecules
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
