Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
