I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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