I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
