i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I touched a dick in church today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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