I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
