Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
