Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
