I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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