So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
