I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
