I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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