she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We left the knife in your bed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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