sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
