Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
